I was reading about Lindsey Lohan and it touched my heart. I am sure she'll be fine, well, I'm not really sure, but I hope. I hope for all the wonderful women just like her, that she'll get back on track. Her "dabbling" with drugs and struggles with bulimia are very personal to me.

Lindsey is back in the hospital, initially for Asthma. After her appearance on SNL, the producer was so concerned he actually did an intervention.

Lindsey reminds me of people I know, some with just eating disorders, some who have "dabbled" with drugs. Ironic that these wonderful women all say the same thing. I just dabbled, I'm over it now. There is much more to the story, when I look at the behaviour of each of them, I see such strong similarities. Talented, intelligent, powerful. Irresponsible, mysterious, defensive. And each had a distant, disturbed, or distracted father. I hope Hillary doesn't find herself battling drugs and bulimia too.

On another note. I learned more about some tendencies of pot smokers. The desire to rush home and get everything thing else out of the way to clear the evening for smoking. Family, friends. loved ones are often secondary, and there is a serious lack of involvement, connection, because the desire to smoke, and the effects of smoking inhibit really connecting. I have a feeling this creates a somewhat artificial lifestyle.

I also discovered today, well, further discovered, my tendency to critique "conversation".
It's really my own fears. This tendency comes out when someone else is struggling. It threatens me somehow, so I go to the safeplace of analyzing and dissecting the form of the discussion. It's just another way I keep myself safely at arms length.

Maybe I never really felt loved by my parents, or just not "loved enough". And that is where this doubt and fear of no one really loving me comes from. I've made quite a bit of progress, but the core fear is still there. I feel like the guy at dance lessons with 2 left feet.