A thing of value is only a thing of value as long as we perceive this value of the thing.
Think of an item of sentimental value long since discarded. That prized teddy bear from a new love interest was the most precious material carrier of your heart’s delight. Remember the value of that soft and precious bear? Remember how your perception of the bear’s value altered dramatically soon after your new lover becomes your ex? Multiply that by a bad break up and the bear went from prized to despised. While the material of the bear never changed, your perception of the bear’s value did.

Many friends and loves have come and gone. Those we could not live without or have fun without we are now without and living and loving and funning without them, and likely they without us. The value we perceived they had in our lives changed when they stopped contributing or we stopped acknowledging their contribution to our perception of their value to us.

Where does all the value go? Wherever our perception goes. And that perception is intrinsically intertwined with the all powerful force known as, What’s in it For Me?” If I am no longer being fed, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically then what value is this thing to me. Setting aside the right and wrong of our perceptions (misperceptions) of the “things” of value (or no value), the bottom line is what we think is true, we know is true, and thus is true. When we feel we are not being “fed” in some way by the “thing” our perception of the value of the thing is absolutely influenced. Inevitably, few things in life will feed us unceasingly. And as the nourishment diminishes and fades, so does the “thing” in our view.

So how could a marriage survive? How can we creatures of selfish pursuits, maintain a feeding of and being fed by some one other person “till death do us part?” I think it can happen, if our matrimonial perceptions can be maintained.
A person, on an island of limited resources, say, coconut trees and rats, would find value in those resources every day till, death do they depart the island. Coconuts would have an unlimited number of uses over time, as would the…rats, and rat parts and tree parts. The increased value perception exists because, the islander has a daily need of the resources that continually feed and nourish.

So what about the perception of marriage? How is this nourishment maintained? I suggest the possible theories:

1. Adjust the value of the marriage contract. Divorce is occasionally deterred by the financial consequences to the parties or sometimes-emotional consequences to the children. We mistakenly apply the pressure on the divorce end and not the marriage end of the contract. Make “staying married” the focus vs “getting or not getting divorced.
2. Become experts in assigning value by our will rather than our perception. I choose the value of being a vegetarian simply because I choose it. And my partner’s value is whatever I say it is…till death do us part.