First of all, my mom emailed me and that...was really sweet. Girls need their dads and boys need their moms. I think that cross gender parental relationship is the key to later cross gender relationships.

I learned to be a man from my dad, and who to be in relationships from my mom. Not exactly...it's more like I learned from my view of my mom right? And for the most part I am awesome in relationships, the biggest breakdown being my belief that no one really loves me or cares. So I make people give me proof, by what they say or do. And I look to make people wrong, so I can be right that they don't love me.

Anyway I was so grateful for my mom's email. She is very smart, and very interesting, and like me she is very literal ;)

Other cool stuff:
I distinguished that I give and then pull back. I can look back and see it is a strong and historic pattern. It is attached to my act. Or part of another act? Either way I do it allll the time. I'm doing it right now in like 20 different areas... errr.

I also know I call my self unambitious, non-competitive. I think that's part of not giving my all too. Ii admire people who give everything they have for the things they love. Most people who know me well, wouldn't say they can count on me to the end. It's in my being I think, that i am just not 100% there. Like no matter what.

I can hear the voices starting to roar. But if I gave my all, it would ask too much of me. I would never have time for it all. I would just fail anyway.

I get so scared, I want to run away and be alone, it really requires something of we to stay in the game some days.