A combination of physical fatigue, mental fatigue, sickness, and medication had me in a bit of a daze today. Must be something along the lines of the new parents who somehow manage to function on no sleep for months. Ok, maybe not. But wow, people are amazing. When really put to the test, people rise to the occasion.

I have kinda been put to the test, but I think I have failed every time. Deep down inside I think my test will be a really big one. And it is not my intention to fail on more of the smaller tests either...not to minimalize them by calling them small...holy crap...who am i justifying myself too>?

I guess some structured settlement people might find their way to my blog ;) So funny, I am the Loony Ant Guy, and he was derisive about my job as a garbage man. I don't think he is serious, I think he just has to write about stuff and that was as good a topic as any. I dount he is that shallow and narrow, but it is possible. I like him anyway, he made me laugh! I just hope he is ok, not stuck in himself all bitter and lonely.

Work is really kicking my butt these days. I am looking forward to some rest. As usual though my vacation will be demanding and draining most likely ;) I can't wait to see Brice. Like really It's just so in my heart to see him. I need to clear some space for the rest of my family, so when I visit, it can just be all about loving them ;)

Some great self opportunities today. Not being defensive, being a good listener, not being impatient. And i pretty much blew them. I was aware though and I enjoyed that.

so 2 people I
d like to get to know more. Doug and Nicole. 3 projects I need to work on-SEO, Hat tourney, and articles. Other stuff, stripes on car, website work, weight training, ultimate league/club team. A book? Standup comedy? who knows.

Not pinky, not the brain, just stinky. Not sure why, it was so cold tonight I doubt i was that sweaty. I think its the port st lucie dirt. The fields are very well kept, maybe its fresh manure daily?

Some things I am afraid of:
That I'm not a "good enough" ultimate player.
That I won't have the relationship I have always dreamed of.
Brice will hate me
Everyone hates me
Getting old and unable to function
getting fat.


I feel chubby right now. I look good and I am fit and running well, but these stupid extra pounds are laughing at me! ha hahaha! I could lose 15 lbs and be dramatically healthier. But no, i have to have my double cheeseburger, my cookies, my breads. I'm such a putz.

Losing weight is a microcosm of my life maybe. I could have a much better quality of living with just a simple commitment, that i can't even make let alone keep! or maybe, I just like to eat ;)

Who, I just realized my hat tourney is falling to the side, time to get back on track, tomorrow i need to email tim to get the rick guys email for the fields in pb gardens.

Somethings I will take on soon, clearing space in my head and heart to see Doug as his Creator would see him. Putz, no no no... Also building Kelly a little website for Just Imagine.

I'm going home this month, really big opportunity!